I once wrote this. . .

“I have dreamt all my life for that one person that God made for me and when I do find him, it won’t be that easy to get away from me. I can tell you that much. Imagine that, for every one of us, God made a person who would bear with us. I personally treasure the thought of the man who will take all my stressing and ranting, who will be with me through my pms-ing , my childish needs, and my obsessive cleaning bouts. Yes, I am one of the few women out there that still believe that my match is somewhere in this world and I will find him.”

I find that I lived the very exact words above. It was an accident that I fell on an old journal entry and at the same time happened to be going through extreme pms, intense frustration, and obsessive cleaning escapades.

And today I went to a funeral service and I couldn’t help but realize that humanity at large just doesn’t get it. not life, not joy, not happiness, not laughter… none of it all.  I really want to rant and rage but somehow somewhere inside of me, I am telling myself not to because I have found a greater peace in knowing God. In loving all the things that He brings my way and today, I bless His name for allowing that revelation to come to me at a time when I needed it most.

There I sat in a church willing my heart not to think all the things that I was letting it think… things like, ‘his lifestyle says it all’ ‘maybe he had it coming’… and then I began to pray tirelessly that this evil  would be lifted off my tongue and that my eyes would be opened to the creature that God created and that He had now taken back to be with Him. And that is when I began to hear all the wonderful things that I might could have missed had I been too busy talking to myself and mumbling about how things could have been different only if he had done this or that…

And then I heard, the news that left me completely boulverse (i think that’s a french word but oh well!) It went a little bit like this; “From a young age, he gave his life to Christ…”

Everything within me just left me and there was an overwhelming sense of relief.

So now here I am, grateful for the life of a brother and in celebration of all the joy and pleasure he brought to the life of all those he knew.

I am not claiming to be one of those that get it or that believe they know what they are doing but today, it was made more evident how much more I need to lean on God’s understanding and to reflect on His ways to live a fulfiling life.

Shalom is mine 🙂