Is there a song that goes ‘Just shoot me now’ ??? or has something to do with being dead and not feeling things? Well if it exists, let me know so that I can prepare to make it my soundtrack for the last two weeks. The way I have been feeling is inexplicable. I have tried to be vocal about it to a lot of people but no one really understands.

i have diagnosed myself as one of those neurotic patients that are crying out for help but no one can hear their cries. I might be just passed on as cranky or irritable but really deep down, something inside of me is not sitting right. i haven’t been one to conform and get comfortable with uncomfortability so i am really trying to battle this one out.

i wish he at least understood what was going on. it’d make things so much simpler.  and for every day that he doesn’t get it, i meet a friend who does and it makes me sad because he couldn’t get it the same way several of my friends have at least attempted to get it.

i want to tell her so badly but i know that although she’ll understand me, she won’t necessarily agree with me because she knows i have to go through what i am going through for things to get better.

but let me ask you all this; why is it that just when you think you’ve mastered something, say tolerance, something happens that shatters all hopes that you had reached the ultimate place?

i am now going out to try and forget most of the things that bother me so that i can laugh carelessly like the free spirit that i am and then tomorrow i will wake up and try not to be all melancholy. i will find an answer one way or another.

ziva will guide me to shalom shalom