The year is going by too fast. Or at least I think so. March is already here and January seems only three weeks ago. How is it possible that this year, the one that was meant to be a startling announcement of my freedom, has turned out to be the most confusing of my adult life? Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a little but I cannot remember a year where I sat around doing nothing and yet seemed so tired and irritable all the time. I can’t shake the feeling of uselessness that has come with 2008. Sometimes it is not so bad and other times I find myself asking those profound ‘life’ questions that have no correct answers.

Perhaps I set one too many goal for the year and because I haven’t achieved any of them, it feels like I’m nowhere at all. Or maybe they (the goals) were too ambitious? Take for example getting down to my target weight of 65kgs… while some might say I’ve got 9 more months to make this dream a reality, I must point out that I gained 4kgs over the Christmas break and have only been able to shed 2 of those in the last 3 months. Career wise, I am a lost sheep. I’ve gone over numerous areas of interest, hitting dead ends in nearly all areas. The whole ‘what makes me happy’ question is now a vivid billboard hanging over my head.

It’s been nine months since I moved back home, well eight if you take out the one I spent on holiday, anyhow, it’s been a long period of questions, ideas, unfinished projects and I wonder if anyone has the secret to life’s great mistakes. Is there a way to avoid those inevitable mistakes we are meant to learn from because I’d like to skip those altogether. Notwithstanding, my time back hasn’t been that bad. Some good has come out of it and I shall dwell on those good times so that I can keep a positive outlook on the rest of the year.  These include…

Reading the beautiful biography of Valentino  Achak Deng in Dave Eggar’s  ‘What is the What’. This is the single most moving story I have read so far. I went through emotions as I’ve known them in my very youthful life. It had been a long time that I’d read something and actually laughed out loud and the next moment I was in tears. This is on my favorite books of all time already. I don’t care how many other Lost Boys stories come out; this is by far the best that I’ve had the privilege to share in.

Then there was the trip in which I met fabulous souls that I am determined to keep in my circle for as long as I live. Of course I did a little too much partying and dancing and heel wearing but it was all worth it. I met my lovely, caring and surprisingly talkative sweetheart. That is a long story that I shall save for when we become all the things I hope we will so keep reading J . I saw my bestie after a long four years and despite the growth and changes, she is still the one person that gets to keep my bestie position.

Back on the home front, I have gone through myriads of mood swings trying to keep up with the beautiful disaster that is my country of origin. I have found that giving a number to an acquaintance entitles them to all sorts of privacy infringement and leads to one’s patience being tested over and over again. Take for example the ‘anonymous’ chocolates I got on Valentine ’s Day. I say anonymous because I partly wish it had stayed that way but my nosy self couldn’t let it just be. I soon found out who they were from and decided it would be a kind gesture to send this person a text message to thank them, after all, they were the only chocolates I got that day. Alas my curious, rule breaking, and downright stupidity won me a series of texts referring to me as sweetheart, dear, darling etc… not to mention the calls that I got tired of answering but kept coming. How does someone call you four to five times at a time after days of no feedback not get the hint? Of course I let him know today that I wasn’t accustomed to the whole aggressive approach and I’ve been too busy to respond but somehow I feel like that didn’t get through successfully either.

Other noteworthy events have come and gone but haven’t been lost to my memory…  UB40 concert, text messaging across the oceans, long rides back home every night…if I told all then there’d be nothing left for me to treasure would there?

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