It is often terribly sad to acknowledge that one is not as important or valued as they’d thought themselves to be.
I sit here, on the last day of a rather confusingly bizarre holiday and I wonder if people grow apart and just don’t know it. Or if they just hang on to each other for the sole purpose of keeping up appearances or to keep the titles that come with the relationship. It’s always fun to have a bestfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend or significant other. And likewise it’s great to be a bestfriend, girlfriend, boyfriend or significant other.
When will we all just stop, drop the facade and face the reality that is growth. The more it is accepted, the better we are able to live our lives peacefully.
There is a stirring in my soul that I haven’t been able to shake off. How do I begin to tell one I love that we have grown too far apart?
Turning Point
As I lay in bed on my 23rd birthday, ceiling spinning, ears ringing, an intense feeling of sadness came over me. I wasn’t sad because I’d woken up alone on my birthday, well not exactly. It was one of those feelings that you can’t do much about… except roll over and let the tears run down your cheeks much like on my 13th birthday when my period fell on the same day as my birthday and I found myself crying hysterically in mama’s bosom.
However, on this birthday, hormonal imbalance wasn’t the cause of my tears. I wasn’t quite sure why I’d felt so sad or so angry, or even that entitled to the emotions I felt. The previous night had been spent at a rather good party/lounge. I looked good, we all looked good. I should have been having fun but truth be told, I wasn’t. Someone had said something, another had looked a certain look, and another had just not looked hard enough… those petty little things had managed to make me wish I had been with people that I mattered to, that didn’t take me for granted or that judged me. That one moment carried on to the next morning, the early hungover morning that found me in bed crying on my 23rd birthday.
As I searched my mind to find the root of my anger, I realized that it was a new year. An opportunity to do things differently and the first thing I was going to do immediately was ‘drink less!’ or better still, don’t drink at all if I could manage it, which I am sure I could if I wasn’t on holiday. The drinking in itself didn’t seem a problem since alcohol’s only effect on me is a bigger smile.
The real problem was that I was allowing myself to be caged in by premature, judgemental views that people had of me. As soon as I realized this, I could confidently say that this year, my 23rd would be a Carpe Diem year… seize the moment, having no regrets while always staying true to myself.
